Continuation from previous post.

Right after I posted the post below someone I knew posted this on facebook and it kind of summed up my feelings on church:

Q: What is christianity? A: It is the belief that a two- thousand-year-old jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat an apple off a magical tree in a wonderland.

Church at 8 pm on a Saturday night.

Protecting myself from yellow dust.

Since being here, I have come down with a cold a few times. Nothing serious, but Koreans act like the slightest cold is a near death experience. Maybe it's their way of life, but even when I am sick at home, there is no way in hell I would be a loud to call out of work on a Saturday night or even be able to afford to. In retrospect, I've probably shouldn't have gone to work many times in the past, but here my job is cake. Also, it's is the little monster's I teach that keep getting me sick. It still boggles my mind how I could clear plates and glassware from strangers for years at restaurants and it not effect me as much as these disease transporting kids effect me. It most be some strange Korean strain of the cold virus.

That said, my Korean friend, Guard, bought me gifts to keep me healthy:

mouthy washy 

(he adds and "e" sound to everything... the best is when he says, "I left you a messagey.")

He also instructed me on how to use mouth wash and that it burns. He did not quite understanding me, when I tried to explain, I know how to use this, we do have this in America, too.

antibacterial hand wash

Face mask to protect from the yellow dust blown to Korea from China.

I asked if yellow dust meant pollen, but he did not understand what I meant. He told me his sister, the nurse, recommended for me to use these items to stay healthy. I get everything but the mouth wash. I know you should use mouth wash for good oral hygiene, but is it a necessity to ward off the common cold?

After presenting me with my gifts, I assumed we would go grab some dinner. First, he wanted to take me on another walking tour of Seoul National University campus. It was a beautiful Saturday, upper 70s and flowers in full bloom. He told me the name to many different plants, that of which we also are accustomed to in the USA. For instance, the weeping willow is referred to as belly puddle. To me this was a very literal translation, do to the fact they grow in water prone areas.  It was just as literal as how they term fresh air as, "forest bath." The only problem with are little walk is that he wanted to hike up a dry creek bed. Which normally I would not have an issue with, but I was wearing a dress and boots with a slippery sole. Again he didn't understand why I was less then thrilled and we continued the hike anyway.

In the above picture you can notice the high rise buildings of the city jutting out behind the hills. Below is a picture of a pond with not a single fish. There is no wild life in Korea. You can see a bird now and again and if you are really lucky a chipmunk. I asked if in the woods if there were deer or anything living. He laughed and replied no because there are too many people in Korea and not enough room for animals.

In the picture above and below is where we hiked, which isn't dangerous or anything. It is though a real bitch in boots and a dress. I guess though in his defense, Korean women are always overly dress and it is not uncommon to see a woman in black pumps hiking on a trail.

So after our hike, we went to go get dinner. The spot he took me to coincidentally his two pastors from his church was also dining there. I think Guard has a little crush on me and he gets so weird and uncomfortable sometimes around others in front of me, which makes me uneasy. He is also, to overly helpful that I feel near retarded. I am pretty use to doing things for myself. He is the thirty-three year old, who is still solely financially dependent on his family and I have been out of the house in an apartment, since I was eighteen. In Korean culture though, my independence is a difficult concept for him to understand, especially me being a woman. Women here take on a helpless roll. They are almost doll-like. In fact they dress like baby dolls and a lot of them whiten their skin to achieve that porcelain doll effect. In all the country is kind of wimpy and quiet. (I am not trying to be rude.) The man are very feminine, metro sexual-like and ultra passive, as well. In the subways their are glass shelves with gas masks, but there is only like twenty in comparison to the millions of people that use the subway a day. Basically, if their was chemical warfare, with out a doubt my ass could take on the whole Korean population and get one of the twenty gas masks. I am taller and weigh more then most man and woman, plus they would all be so polite about it. 

Regardless though, somewhere on this outing I agreed to go with Guard to hear church music. I thought though, being outside on this lovely spring day, that he was talking about church bells.  I was sadly mistaken. I ended up at 8 pm on Saturday night listening to a bunch of young, devout Christians playing English Christian rock songs translated to Korean. There were hands in the air, people swaying, tears and eyes closed so tightly in an almost a near orgasmic expression all around me. And yes, I was the only foreigner. Immediately, my body began to stiffen and clench. My joints began to ache. I got hot, tense and completely uncomfortable. If you know me at all, you would know I have an intense dislike for church. I think it is fake, cult-like and in need for a huge modern makeover. I just think the whole concept of religion is dated. Not that I don't believe in anything, but I just don't think church reflects what life is today. But that is a whole nother blog page. Needless to say I never more at any moment since being here wanted to be at home so fucken bad. After the music stop the service began. At one point they were giving little presents out to first time visitors. Guard urged me to go up and I refused. Then he started to translate the service to me. I couldn't understand him, so he got up and left to go find me and English bible. First of all, I don't even know what to do with a bible and secondly, it would probably melt through my hands. I got up and ran for the door. I told him I was not feeling well, which was true, religion made me sick. I told him I had to leave and I started to nonstop fake cough. He walked me to the subway and I never rushed away from anyone so fast in my life. 

Trying to recover from this dramatic experience, I decided to meet my American friends out. I had no plans to go out and drink, but I had to sin as much as possible to make up for the fact that I was just at church. I meant them in Hongdae, where at the first bar I consumed four beers and four shots of tequila in less then an hour. With shots costing less then a dollar fifty many more were consumed that evening. Oh and yes, the face mask did make an appearance out.

Burger king at 5 am and a million different condiments. I asked for barbecue sauce and I got mustard, ketchup and on that lid bulgogi sauce (which is the most amazing thing ever).

People come to Burger King and sleep till the first subway train runs at 6 am.

People waiting on the subway and sleeping till it starts.

Love for women.

This is one of my favorite commercials. Korean commercials have the catchiest jingles.

At the end it flashes quickly, "Love for women". It is suppose to mean that their pizza is

healthy, so women can eat it and still be thin.

Lollipop.

I love Korean pop music. This is my newest, favorite song.

Foreign medical procedures.

I saw this little scooter on the sidewalk when I was wandering around the first time I tried to go to my appointment.

I decided to get laser hair removal, while I am in Korea. Yes, I have chin hairs. It's gross and I hate it. It's embarrassing, but it's nothing I can control. Getting it done in the USA would cost me over a thousand dollars, in Korea it cost just under two hundred and seventy-five dollars. The YAG laser, which they are using, is what my sister has told me is the best (she worked in the laser hair removal business). I had to let the hair grow for six weeks. I could only shave it and not pluck it. I would never do this back at home because I wouldn't be able to face anyone. In fact, one morning I was shaving my chin and I cut myself. Like I said it's embarrassing. And let me make this clear, I am NOT manlike, but it's enough to make me self-conscious. I guess what made me really upset about it, is the fact that an acquaintance of mine is getting testosterone shots to become a man (transgender or whatever is the politically correct term). Regardless, she was posting her monthly results online and what she was proud of being able to achieve is what I can produce naturally. 

I try to go to my first procedure on Tuesday and of course the directions are horrible (it is becoming a constant theme every time a Korean gives directions, I am bound to get lost). So, I missed the appointment and got clearer directions and tried again today. I met with the doctor and we discussed what would be happening. Next, he led me to the nurse and they exchanged words and a laugh, most likely at my expense (fucken hairless, skinny Koreans). The nurse took me to a comfortable waiting room with a movie in English playing. She put numbing cream on my chin, which I forgot was there. I end up getting it on my lips and tongue and I become numb everywhere. Twenty minutes later she takes me to a room in the back, where I lied down. The doctor comes in and three minutes later he is done. During the quick procedure, which just felt like a rubber band snapping against my chin, I did smell the scent of burning hair. Then the nurse iced my chin and I was free to go. Simple, quick and relatively painless.

Before I left, I scheduled my next appointment for exactly one month later. The receptionist handed me a reminder card. She spelled my name Toei. This is maybe the third time someone has spelled my name that way, even though I have already correctly written it for them on some type of paper work. I don't know if it is the way I right my r or if it's in the translation. 

Kimbop.

Like everything that I have to do at work, I find out two seconds before I have to do it. So, being expected to make traditional Korean food and demonstrate to actual Korean children did not surprise me. Kimbop is similar to sushi. Usually it is made with ham, but cooked fish can be in it as well. I was responsible for going over the ingredients and recipe in English. After going over that information I demonstrated making it. On the first try I successfully rolled my first kimbop. Then I went around the table layering the ingredients with the kids and helping them to roll their mini kimbops as well.

ingredients: steamed rice, ham, cucumber, dried seaweed, pickled yellow radish and crab (actually haddock made to resemble crab).

I made this little girl cry shortly after I took this picture. I hardly ever get the kids upset, but today I had two criers.

I loved the way he rolled his hat. All the kids were miserable about wearing it and the aprons. I don't blame them.

I hate the little girl behind the boy. She doesn't listen and is disruptive.

Lazy sunday.

I woke up around noon and slowly proceeded to make a phone call, shower and leave my apartment. I stopped at Dunkin Doughnuts for a coffee then proceeded to the grocery store. Not just once, but twice a person from a church wearing a yellow sash stopped me to hand me a little bag with two Easter eggs in it and info on their church. It was the first time in years that I have received and Eater egg. I forgot that it was even a holiday.

These are my usual groceries; seaweed, instant rice and dumplings. I am addicted to heating up the rice then rolling it in seaweed.